People forget everyone grieves differently, but society has destroyed the word "normal". I have been called a bad mother with poor judgement, or that i should be beat to an inch of my life for me grieving my daughter by posting her pictures on facebook. Dealing with that and more from August 28th has made my grieving harder. Alot of people think "that will never happen to me" when realistically everything could happen to anyone.
I might be strong on the outside, but realistically I'm barely here. My life feels like a blur, like I'm standing on th street and cars are speeding past me. Reality of Hannah's death is slowly hitting, but in many ways it feels like a dream. I only leave my apartment if I'm with someone else, or I'm going to meet someone downstairs. I don't leave the 3rd floor.
I'm so happy for my friends who are/have expected the arrival of their daughters, it's difficult for me to look at pictures and not see Hannah's face, or for me to share in the excitement. Deep down I honestly am excited for you all.
All Hannah knew was love, I'm glad she didnt have to deal with the hate and the rude people. I don't want people feeling sorry for me. I want people to keep reminding society that "normal" doesnt exist.
Sunday, 18 September 2011
Sunday, 11 September 2011
Letters to Hannah #12
Dear Hannah,
Today is August 27th. I delivered you this morning at 11:38. You weighed 2 lbs 12 oz and you were 17 inches long. You were born with 12 fingers and 12 toes. You had a full head of blonde hair, same hair colour as your aunt Aimee. Daddy and I are sad that we never got to see your beautiful eyes open or hear your cry's. We hold on to the fact that we will all be reunited one day. You are absolutely adorable and a perfect angel.
We love you Hannah.
love Mummy and Daddy!!
Today is August 27th. I delivered you this morning at 11:38. You weighed 2 lbs 12 oz and you were 17 inches long. You were born with 12 fingers and 12 toes. You had a full head of blonde hair, same hair colour as your aunt Aimee. Daddy and I are sad that we never got to see your beautiful eyes open or hear your cry's. We hold on to the fact that we will all be reunited one day. You are absolutely adorable and a perfect angel.
We love you Hannah.
Letters to Hannah #11
Dear Hannah,
Daddy, grandma and I all just got home from the hospital. You grew your wings early this morning. Mummy's gut feeling was right, you did pass away. you are, were and always will be mummy and daddy's little fighter. You beat odds we weren't sure you ever would. You are our little ladybug. Rest in peace Hannah. You are with god now, and you are our guardian angel.
We love you Hannah.
xoxo
Mummy and Daddy
Daddy, grandma and I all just got home from the hospital. You grew your wings early this morning. Mummy's gut feeling was right, you did pass away. you are, were and always will be mummy and daddy's little fighter. You beat odds we weren't sure you ever would. You are our little ladybug. Rest in peace Hannah. You are with god now, and you are our guardian angel.
We love you Hannah.
xoxo
Mummy and Daddy
Letters to Hannah #10
Dear Hannah,
My gut tells me something is wrong. When I woke up this morning something was different. You didn't do your usual morning kicks and it was easier for me to get out of bed. You didn't move much during VBC either. Mummy is going to the hospital soon to see if you are okay. You are 31 weeks gestation today Hannah. We've come so far.
I love you Hannah!
Love mummy!!
My gut tells me something is wrong. When I woke up this morning something was different. You didn't do your usual morning kicks and it was easier for me to get out of bed. You didn't move much during VBC either. Mummy is going to the hospital soon to see if you are okay. You are 31 weeks gestation today Hannah. We've come so far.
I love you Hannah!
Love mummy!!
Letters to Hannah #9
Dear Hannah,
We had a really bad storm tonight. I was really scared, and you really weren't moving a lot. I hope you are okay. I love you so much please move around some more!
Love mummy!! xo
We had a really bad storm tonight. I was really scared, and you really weren't moving a lot. I hope you are okay. I love you so much please move around some more!
Love mummy!! xo
Letters to Hannah #8
Dear Hannah,
Today is your first day at Vacation Bible Camp. We had a busy day, and you slept through most of it. You got to hear kids, and songs and a story. I hope you had fun, we have 4 more days of it.
I love you Hannah!
Love Mummy!
Today is your first day at Vacation Bible Camp. We had a busy day, and you slept through most of it. You got to hear kids, and songs and a story. I hope you had fun, we have 4 more days of it.
I love you Hannah!
Love Mummy!
Letters to Hannah #7
Dear Hannah,
You are now 30 weeks gestation. You have beat the odds baby girl! Yesterday mummy and grandma got to look at you again. Mummy's regular doctor wasn't there so the fill in doctor gave mummy a long look at you. We got a lot of pictures of you to. You were very active. I saw your face and Hannah you are perfect in mummy's eyes. Mummy cried watching you on the ultrasound machine. They were happy tears though. I'm so proud to call you my beautiful daughter. I love you!
xoxo
Love mummy!!!
You are now 30 weeks gestation. You have beat the odds baby girl! Yesterday mummy and grandma got to look at you again. Mummy's regular doctor wasn't there so the fill in doctor gave mummy a long look at you. We got a lot of pictures of you to. You were very active. I saw your face and Hannah you are perfect in mummy's eyes. Mummy cried watching you on the ultrasound machine. They were happy tears though. I'm so proud to call you my beautiful daughter. I love you!
xoxo
Saturday, 3 September 2011
Letters to Hannah #6
Dear Hannah,
Did you feel daddy painting mummy's tummy today? He painted a big ladybug and 4 little ladybugs. Hannah I want you to know how much you mean to both daddy and I. You are our world. We are both so happy, proud and excited that we get to call you our daughter. You are our little ladybug. He knows what is going on with you and he tells anyone who will listen about how precious you are to him, and everyone who talks to him learns all about Holoprosencephaly. You Hannah, have changed your daddy in ways I can't explain, but don't worry it's all for the better. Hannah you have brought mummy and daddy close. I thank you for that. You have made mummy and daddy become best friends! I thank God everyday for giving us the gift of you.
Love Mummy!
Did you feel daddy painting mummy's tummy today? He painted a big ladybug and 4 little ladybugs. Hannah I want you to know how much you mean to both daddy and I. You are our world. We are both so happy, proud and excited that we get to call you our daughter. You are our little ladybug. He knows what is going on with you and he tells anyone who will listen about how precious you are to him, and everyone who talks to him learns all about Holoprosencephaly. You Hannah, have changed your daddy in ways I can't explain, but don't worry it's all for the better. Hannah you have brought mummy and daddy close. I thank you for that. You have made mummy and daddy become best friends! I thank God everyday for giving us the gift of you.
Love Mummy!
Friday, 2 September 2011
Letters to Hannah #5
Dear Hannah,
Daddy, Grandma and I all got to see you again today. You looked beautiful. I love having ultrasounds so I can see you! You are measuring about a week behind but that is expected. You are still our little ladybug. You are so loved!
We love you. xoxo
Mummy!!
Daddy, Grandma and I all got to see you again today. You looked beautiful. I love having ultrasounds so I can see you! You are measuring about a week behind but that is expected. You are still our little ladybug. You are so loved!
We love you. xoxo
Mummy!!
Thursday, 1 September 2011
Letters to Hannah #4
Dear Hannah,
I love how active you are. You're an acrobat. Between you sticking your head and bum out the top and sides of my belly, but also your ultrasound picture today you look like your sucking on your heels. Your a silly little ladybug. By the way you have your daddy's fighting abilities. Hello ribs feeling bruised! I love you Hannah. You will forever be mine and daddy's baby girl. We love you so much!
Love Mummy and Daddy!
I love how active you are. You're an acrobat. Between you sticking your head and bum out the top and sides of my belly, but also your ultrasound picture today you look like your sucking on your heels. Your a silly little ladybug. By the way you have your daddy's fighting abilities. Hello ribs feeling bruised! I love you Hannah. You will forever be mine and daddy's baby girl. We love you so much!
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